


You Can't Win Unless You've Lost

by Chaotic_Neuteral



Category: Boku no Hero Academia: Heroes Rising, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: (If the first Nine fight scene went differently), Angst, M/M, SPOILERS!! FOR THE MOVIE!!!, The bois are getting BEAT UP by Nine, WATCH THE MOVIE FIRST!!, a lot of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23053945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaotic_Neuteral/pseuds/Chaotic_Neuteral
Summary: Deku fought to clear his mind as he readied himself to strike again. He launched forward, activating One For All to twenty one percent. Twenty hadn't been enough, and he needed to win this. Katsuma and Mahuro ran across the grassy hill, away from the fight.In his head, he saw them running and being snatched up by another villain. He turned in panic, but there they were, trying to move as fast as possible to safety, no villain in sight.That was his first mistake. He felt a wave of power, almost as strong as One For All at one hundred percent. He was thrown backwards like a rag doll, hitting the hill with enough force to make a large dent in the soil.(((I was watching this scene a couple days ago and it was just too perfect for an angsty moment, so I'm going at it from all POV's)))
Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

Deku fought to clear his mind's eye as he readied to strike again. Once he could see Nine moving along the forest path, he lashed out, launching himself forward and activating One For All at twenty percent. In his mind's eye, he imagined Marhuro and Katsuma, running across the hill to safety, but being snatched up by a villain. In panic, he turned his head, but there they were, still moving forward with no villain in sight.

That was his first mistake. A wall of power hit him head on, almost as strong as One For All at one hundred percent had seemed. He was thrown backwards twenty feet, hitting the hill with enough force to dent the soil. He groaned, readying to stand, but it felt like one or two of his ribs was broken. 

"Mister Deku!" He heard Katsuma shout, and the small boy crouched over him, tears in his big eyes, "Mister Deku, are you okay?"

"I'm alright. Just move." He grunted, forcing himself to stand. It gave him strength to see what he was protecting. Katsuma was shaking with terror, holding on to his sister's arm. Marhuro was clearly holding back tears, and when she blinked, she began to cry quietly.

Deku wobbled once, twice, and planted his feet. He faced Nine, and waved slightly to the children with his left hand. 'Run', he was trying to tell them, 'Run and don't look back, I'll be alright'. He couldn't hear their footsteps thanks to the soft grass, but the absence of their quick, gulping breaths told him they had gone.

"I won't just lay down and lose. You're going to have to deal with me before you take those kids. I'll fight until I can't stand, and when I can't stand I'll crawl. You're going to have to do better than a little energy blast to knock me over for good." He was mostly trying to buy time, but he knew the words were all true, deep in his heart. He wouldn't stop fighting until he was dead, or as good as it.

"A rousing speech, kid. Too bad nobody was around to hear it but me." A blue dragon shot out of his back and lunched at Deku, who clumsily dodged. His chest ached, and his movements became more sloppy. 

Nine swept his right arm and an ark of energy sliced towards Deku. He ducked underneath it, but it was a close call. He jumped back up, not waiting for Nine's next attack. He ran forwards, letting One For All fizzle in his body. He focused it, concentrating it to only one arm. He roared, as wind roared in his ears, and punched Nine in the face. But his hand hit something else, something that didn't give. He felt his arm break in several places. He tried to ignore the pain, but it had been so long since it had happened. His arm hung limp and useless by his side, leaving him staggering to the left.

He backed up warily, but Nine used the blue dragon again, curving it around Deku, making it bite down and hold him. He felt more of his rubs snap, painful and bloody. He channeled his power to his working arm, and hit the dragon as hard as he could. Nothing happened. 

He heard a scream, louder than life.

"PLEASE! HELP MISTER DEKU!" Marhuro wailed, her voice echoing across the island. Nine dropped Deku with little ceremony, and he hit the ground hard enough to break bones in his legs. Slipping in and out of consciousness, Deku's only thought was the children. He lifted one arm, the effort and pain making him retch and almost black out, but he wrapped his hand around Nine's leg.

"We're not done yet." He whispered. He used Nine to stand, his legs screaming with pain, and Nine simply brushed him away, knocking him down again. He struggled to get up again, and heard a loud explosion.

(((Bakugou's POV)))

There they were. The two kids watched, their terror thinly veiled, as Deku was dropped from high up, falling uselessly to the ground. Despite himself and all he'd done, Bakugou winced as if the pain was his own. He saw Deku's broken arms, purple with the blood pooled inside, his legs that seemed snapped in two, the bleeding from his head, and, most gruesomely, the thin white bones protruding from his chest, which was heaving in a very unsightly manner.

"No," Bakugou whispered, "What am I doing?" He began to bring himself down, watching the scene quietly.

The children were trembling, tears rolling down their faces as they watched their hero be beaten into the ground. Nine started toward them, but stopped. Bakugou could barely see... a hand. Deku's hand, holding him back. His lip barely moved, but Nine heard his words and chuckled. Deku held on to Nine's clothing, using him to stand. His face showed nothing but pain, yet somehow, he was up. Nine shoved him away with more force than necessary, and boy crumpled the ground again. As Bakugou watched, he was filled with a blinding rage. The kind that made the world go white and the ocean roar in his ears. The kind that got people hurt.

Before he even realized he was moving, he was flying towards Nine, releasing an explosion right in his smug face. Another on his arm, another in his face, Bakugou kept pummeling him. When Nine fell to the ground for a moment, Bakugou knelt down over Deku. Deku's eyes fluttered slightly, and then opened. He cringed away, fear painting his every move. Bakugou could barely make out the words:

"Please... Kacchan... stop... don't... hurt me," He whispered, tears pooling his his dumb green eyes, body broken and useless. He gasped in fear when Bakugou laid a hand on his forehead.

"I'm not. I wouldn't, couldn't. It's in the past. I'm going to save you," Bakugou turned to Nine, who had just struggled to his feet again, "No matter what it takes."

It killed him to see his old friend like that. Completely at his mercy, as if they were kids again. Terrified, bleeding, asking Bakugou to spare him. He wouldn't let Deku be like that ever again, even if it meant pushing the fucking nerd to the limits of his power and then some.

(((Deku POV)))

Deku's brain was muddled as he lay on the ground. Where was he? What was going on? His body hurt in so many places. It snapped into reality when he saw Bakugou stand over him, rage on his face.

It was one of the bad days for sure. His friend was angry, for this Deku would pay. He whispered, asking for mercy. Bakugou's face softened, and he rested his warm hand on Deku's forehead.

"I'm not. I wouldn't, I couldn't. It's in the past. I'm going to save you. No matter what it takes." 

The world snapped back to reality, and Deku remembered what was really happening. He wasn't a scared, quirkiness middle schooler. He was Deku, the hero student. He let One For All course through his veins at one hundred percent, and let the rush of power blank out his pain. He didn't feel a thing as he climbed to his feet. It was as if he was made of electricity, and he could destroy Nine with a single blink. Bakugou was busy hurling himself at Nine, not stopping. Nine had little trouble deflecting Bakugou, and Bakugou's movements were slowing, his attacks less coordinated. 

Deku flew forward, slamming into Nine with all the force he could muster. Nine stumbled and fell, and Bakugou took the chance. He pounced, kicking and hitting Nine. Deku fell to the ground, everything rushing back to him. He screamed, once again suffering the red-hot pain that engulfed his body. He felt fire dance inside his eyelids. He screamed as he stood, as he walked over to Bakugou, as he took Bakugou's hand in his.

And kissed him. Bakugou tensed up, expecting a fight, but relaxed and went with it, hugging Deku and forgetting Nine. Deku knew what needed to happen. And he let it. Activated his power so he could feel it as it was passed on to another. Bakugou realized what was happening, tried to move away, tried to stop it, but Deku ignored it, knotting his fingers into his friend's hair, wrapped a leg around his, knocking them both messily to the ground, forcing him so close that he couldn't break the power, stop the transfer. Bakugou howled into Deku as Deku felt the last of the power leave him.

And there was nothing. It was like the sea being gone when you had just been swimming in it. Deku's eyes welled up with tears, and he let the flame die. He rolled off Bakugou, the fight leaving him. He knew there would be no more future, and he was okay with it. An eerie calm passed over him as he realized he was going to die. The power had been keeping him alive, making his eyes open again and again, helping him climb to his feet and fight even after he should have died. But it was gone.

Once there was no power, there wasn't anything to keep his eyes open, to help him stand, to make his breaths shudder in and out.

There was nothing.

(((Bakugou's POV)))

He kept going, hitting and kicking, and exploding. The thought of Deku, scared, scared of him no less, made him feel rage so strong he couldn't think straight. Nine doubled over and fell, and there was Deku right behind the villain, eyes glowing, almost radiating power. Bakugou knew what to do. He descended on Nine, landing blows to the head, ribs, stomach. It felt so good to get hits in that he didn't notice Deku until he was right there, kissing him.

There was no explanation. Deku was kissing him, in the middle of a fight, for no reason. But... it felt nice. And all thoughts of Nine left Bakugou's head. He felt them connect, making out, eyes closed, trusting. He felt powerful, more than he had in his life. It was blinding, coming at him with force. It was like a well of power, he realized. Not from the adrenaline, not from the euphoria. Something else. 

The realization hit him like a sack of bricks, and his eyes shot open. Deku's eyes were still closed, but tears spilled down his cheeks as he kept going. He knew. That son of a bitch, he was doing it on purpose. Bakugou tried to pull away, give it back, stop the flow. Deku's fingers laced themselves into his hair, holding tight, not letting him leave. Deku's leg hooked around his, pulled, and the two toppled to the ground. Deku was on top of him, connecting with him, holding him captive. Bakugou kept trying to break it, even as he felt the power thin, near the end of its limits. Bakugou shouted in anger and fear, begging him to stop.

Even after there was nothing left to give, Deku kept going, holding him tight. Bakugou knew it was draining him, hurting him. He tried to shove the thin boy off of him, but he wouldn't let go. And Bakugou felt another wave of power, more than the last. How could he have more power? Bakugou pushed and hit, shoved and screamed. All it did was make Deku cry harder. He felt the hands on the back of his head loosen, and the last wave of power ended. Deku's fingers let go, and all of him rolled away. For a moment Bakugou sat, panting, trying to clear his head. 

And the power. Dear god, the power. All of it. Had Deku really had all of this? It wasn't possible. He should have won already, and Nine would be in custody, and Bakugou would never know what it felt like to have liquid lightning course through his veins, suns behind his eyes, city leveling power at his fingertips. And, too late, he realized another thing.

If this was what Deku had at his disposal, it must have been the only thing keeping his heart beating. Bakugou turned, fear knocking the breath from his lungs. Deku's eyes were open and glassy, his chest still. The tears had stopped flowing, and even in death he looked strong yet resolved.

"No," He said. And louder, "NO!" He scrambled to his knees, trying to do CPR, shock him, anything. He only felt the cracked ribs break further, no sign of life stirring his soft features. It felt like there was an elephant sitting in Bakugou's chest. He lowered his head to rest on Deku's chest and screamed, feeling pure hate and anger and rage, white-hot, spread from his fingertips to his heart. It was like the heat of a thousand fires. 

And he cried. For the first time in years, Bakugou Katsuki cried. He had seen death, of course. But it had been distant, something that didn't happen to friends and family. He sat up, wiping his eyes. He drew in a shuddering, painful breath. He took one last look at his friend's face before turning to Nine.

With a scream of rage, he let the power overtake him, fill him with lava, fire, brimstone, anything and everything. The world went pure white, and he flung himself forward.

(((All Might POV)))

(Later that day)

Finally, the news came. Toshinori had been waiting hours in the hospital. 

"He'll live." The doctor announced to the waiting heroes and teachers. 

Toshinori cried. 

He cried for the poor, pained boy who had won but lost, and the boy who would never know. 

He cried for the damage done, 

The terrible death that shocked them all, 

The tears in Uraraka's voice as she reported what happened, 

The pain in his chest as he crouched over the body of the child he could call his son, 

The fear in the eyes of the shaking children who told a terrible tale of the fight, 

The feel of the police's hands tearing him away from the dead, broken body of the boy he'd given the world to, 

The screams of the boy's mother when she heard her son could never come home, 

The shrieks of his classmates when they learned their friend had been killed, 

But most of all, he cried because for the first time since he was a child, 

Yagi Toshinori could not muster a single smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, so this work still makes my stomach knot and I love it, but I want it to be a little more... dramatic. If you can believe that. So I just rewrote the fight scene part. I'm keeping all of the details, but I'm gonna change some of the wording. That ending was INSPIRED, and I'm saying that despite never complimenting anything I do.   
> I'm proud of this, and I'm going to keep the joy that came from making it the first time. I think I've improved just a tiny bit since then.  
> Wish me luck!

Deku readied himself to strike. Already, he had a small cut on his face from being thrown against a tree, and the fight had only just begun. He let One For All flow through his body. In his mind's eye, he watched Katsuma and Mahoro run across the grassy hill. In his little vision, he watched as a villain launched over the hill and picked up Katsuma.

He turned, panic filtering through, and found Katsuma and Mahoro were fine. As fine as they could be while running for their lives. They stumbled over the grassy hill, crying in fear, but there was no villain lurking.

Looking at the kids was a mistake. Nine took advantage of his lapse in attention and launched a strong attack that threw Deku into the same hill Mahoro and her brother ran across. He felt a rib or two crack, and tried desperately to draw breath. He heard a little sob and looked up to see Katsuma stumbling down the hill, Mahoro close behind.

"Mister Deku! Are you okay?" Katsuma fell to his knees by the hero in training.

"I'm fine," Deku wheezed, "Go. Run. It's not me he wants. I'm going to keep you safe. Now run!" He said it with such force that both children rocketed to their feet and began to sprint away. Deku smiled slowly as he stood. He winced at the pain that stabbed him whenever he took a breath in, but channeled One For All into one arm at 100%. It was bound to hurt, but Nina wasn't expecting an attack.

He flew forward, so fast Nine would have no choice but to take the punch. He wound back his arm, and slammed it into Nine's face with all his might. But instead of Nine, Deku hit something harder, something that didn't give at all. He felt his arm shatter in several places, and cried out in agony. He used to remember what it felt like to be hurt like this, but it had been so long that the pain of breaking his arms constantly was a distant memory.

Nine laughed as he watched Deku hold the damaged arm. He picked up Deku, lifting him high up, so high Deku's ears popped, then dropped him, already walking towards the kids. Despite Deku's strict orders to run, they were frozen at the crest of the hill watching.

Deku hit the ground so hard he thought he was going to die right then and there. He couldn't make a noise, the pain was so excruciating. Through vision swimming with tears, he watched Mahoro wail, her voice carried across the island by her quirk.

"PLEASE! SOMEONE HELP SAVE MISTER DEKU!" She cried. 

Deku reached out and grabbed Nine's ankle with all the strength he could muster, "I will fight you. If I can't walk, I will crawl. If I can't crawl, I will drag myself by my fingertips. I will fight until I die, or I will be useless."

Nine chuckled, "A rousing speech, I suppose, but you're like the rest of them. You'll stop before you get too hurt."

Deku only tightened his grip. Nine cursed and kicked him off.

An explosion sounded, right next to them.

[BAKUGOU'S POV]

As he flew across the island, Bakugou cursed himself for letting Deku get stuck alone with one of the villains. Everyone was fighting for their lives and he had to go take on the crazy strong guy 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘸𝘯? It was too much. He swore loudly and violently when he saw the scene layed out below him. The kids were standing still a ways from the fight. Nine was laughing at Deku, who was clutching Nine's ankle.

But Deku himself... looked like he was dead. Lying on the ground, the arm not clutching Nine was swollen and mottled purple with pooling blood. Deku's legs stuck out at impossible angles, and Bakugou could clearly see thin white bones poking out through his hero costume. He was already covered in blood. Good god, how long had they been fighting?

Bakugou realized he had never seen Deku hurt so badly. Sure, he had been bloody and bruised with broken arms before, but he had never looked so defeated. Nobody got to do that to Deku, Bakugou realized, not a single person was allowed to hurt him like that. Bakugou let himself fall right on top of Nine, letting loose an explosion. 

The villain was caught off guard and Bakugou got a few hits in before he was thrown away. He managed to fall into a roll, and leaped back right away. Deku managed to get himself standing- how did he do that? But Nine threw him away with more force than he needed to use. Bakugou roared with anger and flew forward.

[DEKU'S POV]

He was on the ground. Where was he? He heard sounds of a fight. Suddenly, Katsuki crouched over him, face contorted with rage. Of course. His friend was angry, and he would pay dearly for it. How angry was Katsuki in the first place? He felt pain, white hot, all over his body. He must have whimpered something about not wanting to be hurt. Katsuki lowered a hand and Deku shrunk away, but was surprised when his friend simply laid it on his forehead and murmured, "Not any more. I promise."

Everything came back, and Deku burned with shame. He wasn't a middle schooler any more. He was in the middle of a fight, and he was losing badly. He groaned as he tried to breathe. He could hear explosion after explosion as his friend tried desperately to save him. 

In a sudden, blinding clarity, he knew what he had to do. He let One For All flow at 100% through his entire body. He knew it would tear him apart, but it didn't matter. No more damage could really be done, there was no going back. At once, his pain was gone. His body was no longer flesh and bone, but electricity and fire. He could tear Nine to shreds with his pinkie fingers if he had a mind to.

But he knew the burst of power would be short lived. He couldn't feel it, but he knew muscles were being torn apart and blood vessels bursting as he sat there. He stood, the power thrumming in his body, while he walked to Nine. Nine payed no heed, busy deflecting Bakugou's increasingly sloppy attacks.

Deku threw a single punch, and he felt it connect at the base of Nine's skull. Nine crumpled and didn't stand for a moment. Deku guessed his quirk needed to be recharged. Bakugou wasted not a second as he used as much of his quirk to attack Nine as possible. 

Deku needed him to stop, but he couldn't cry out. All of his muscles were locked. He forced himself to move a little bit at a time, but it was too slow. He lessened the power, and could drag himself forward with some effort. Before he could lose his nerve, he pushed himself toward his friend, pulling him away from Nine.

And slammed their faces together in a kiss. Bakugou fought, obviously confused, but ended up going with it, which was surprising. Deku shrugged it off and activated his quirk so he could feel it leave his body. The most efficient way to transfer the power mid battle was humiliating but it had to be done. He mashed himself even closer. It took Bakugou a minute to realize what was going on, and when he did he shoved Deku away, breaking the connection.

"You're not going to do this, Deku. You can't. It's yours." Bakugou tried to shake loose, but Deku held on to his waist, keeping him close. Deku finally opened his eyes, and opened his mouth as if to speak, but instead rammed himself back to meet his friend's lips. Before Bakugou could fight him on it, he reached up and knotted his fingers in the explosive boy's hair, not even letting him get air.

He felt the power draining and draining. Bakugou was scrabbling and shouting, and he needed to stop. In one fluid motion, Deku wrapped a leg around Bakugou's, and threw it painfully to the side, knocking them over. He lay on top of his friend, keeping his captive. He could feel Bakugou crying, but didn't stop. He suddenly realized the well of One For All had gone dry. He was going to die, but it was going to be slow and painful. 

He realized he had more to give. He kept going, shoving his life force out of him like it was blood from a wound. He gave and gave and gave and gave, feeling fainter and fainter with every second. Finally he lost consciousness, eyes still open, and was gone.

[BAKUGOU'S POV]

How had Deku held out so long? Fighting Nine was like punching a brick wall. He hadn't gotten a single hit in, and he was desperate. He threw himself forward again and again, not pausing to think. Nine blocked him with a wave of his hand again and again, steadily moving towards Mahoro and Katsuma. Out of nowhere, Nine crumpled to the ground. Deku stood behind him, actually glowing with the power of his quirk. He shouldn't have been able to stand, but Bakugou didn't puzzle over it.

He descended on Nine like a vulture on dead meat. It felt so good to get hits in that he didn't notice Deku until he was right there, pulling him away. Bakugou opened his mouth to ask what he was doing, they were in the middle of a fight, but Deku just pushed himself up and began to kiss Bakugou.

It was a moment he had wanted for years, but it wasn't the right time. He tried shoving Deku away, but the boy possessed superhuman strength, it seemed. Bakugou looked at Nine helplessly, and found he was still lying on the ground. 

He had a second to spare.

He went with it, pulling Deku close. It felt like nothing he'd ever experienced. He felt on top of the world, powerful, as if he could level buildings with his mind. But... there was something wrong with it. The power didn't seem to stem from Bakugou himself.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘬 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘧𝘦𝘳. It was passed from person to person by ingesting their DNA. Saliva had DNA, and they were by all means trading it. In a mind numbing wave of panic, Bakugou opened his eyes. He hadn't noticed before, but tears were streaming down Deku's face, but he looked resolved.

He knew.

That son of a bitch, he knew.

He was doing it on purpose.

With a wail, Bakugou used all of his strength to wrench himself away, "You're not going to do this, Deku. You can't. It's yours," He pleaded, trying to pull away. Deku only tightened his grip, the arms wrapped around Bakugou's waist like steel. Deku opened his mouth to reply, but instead pushed himself forward. The connection continued, and the pulsing well of power kept flowing into Bakugou.

He tried to shove away again, but Deku moved his hands, grabbing the back of his head and tangling his fingers in Bakugou's hair. To a bystander, it would look like a gesture of love, but Bakugou knew from the feel that his muscles were locked, and he wasn't going to be able to break free.

Deku hooked a mangled leg around Bakugou's and pulled, knocking them both to the ground. Bakugou could barely breathe, but the power was drawing to a close, he could tell. The wave of power was now but a trickle. But Deku didn't let go. And something else was forced upon Bakugou, energy he wanted to wield even less.

The feel was different. Not electrifying, but energizing. A different thing entirely. It didn't light his body on fire, but it made his bones ache in a strange way. He screamed hoarsely, begging his friend to stop the madness and keep his power. His life.

But soon it was all spent, and Deku fell away in a heap. 

The power. Dear god, the power. How had Deku held all of this at once? There was no way, he should have been unstoppable. But there was a strange pain that accompanied it, an underlying danger he hadn't noticed. It felt like his blood was molten lava. This... this was obviously the only thing keeping Deku's heart beating. There was no other explanation. 

Heart in his throat, he turned, already wailing. Deku's eyes stared glassily at the sky, dead to the world. Bakugou tried anyway. He only felt more ribs crack as he put in a terrible attempt at bringing life back. Nothing stirred within his friend, and he turned away.

He turned to Nine, who had struggled to his feet. The ocean began to roar in his ears, blocking out all other sound. Anger so deep and unyielding welled up inside of him his legs began to move of their own accord, and the world went completely white.

***

Toshinori paced the white room, tears in his eyes. He willed himself not to cry again, trying as hard as he could to not break down for the third time. He couldn't lose another. He had made so many mistakes, but none of them felt so monumental as this. 

The click of a door opening brought him to his senses. Heart pounding, he looked up.

"He'll live," The doctor announced.

Toshinori couldn't bring himself to be happy about it. It was, of course, a miracle, the boy's body had been so damaged he probably wouldn't be able to fight again, but Toshinori had lost too much and seen too much that day. He had heard the screams of trapped victims before, the wails of terrified babies, but nothing had ever struck so close to home. It felt like his lungs had been stolen. 

And he cried.

For the boy who would live but had lost so much,

For Uraraka, who had scouted ahead while looking for survivors and the first to find the scene,

The tearstreaked faces of the children who had watched the whole battle,

The feeling of having his heart torn from his chest when he saw the two boys lying side by side, both seemingly dead,

The screams that must have been his as he was forcefully dragged from the broken body of the child he gave the world to,

The wails of the boy's mother when she was told her son would never come home,

The looks on the faces of their classmates when they learned the results of the battle,

But most of all, he cried because for the first time since he was a child,

Yagi Toshinori could not muster a single smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words: 2,471

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this turned out a lot sadder than I intended but it's probably the best fic I've ever written so I guess y'all can just cry with me.
> 
> Satan, out.


End file.
